Quarantine is Killing My Mental & Breaking Me Down!

GOOOOOOOOOOD DAWG!

We are in week 4 of this stay at home order and let me tell you, THIS AIN’T THE MOVE SIS!!

When I first heard about COVID-19, I will be honest, I did not take it seriously at all! I said chileeee that’s in china, I wish them the best and speedy recovery. Then I heard it was in LA and once again stupidity revealed its ugly head and I brushed it off! The news stated how serious New York was getting, and anyone who has been following me for a while knows that I was born and half-raised in Brooklyn, and that’s when I became a little cautious. Listen when sis, I call her RONA came to Dallas and then started spreading her disease ministry all up and through my area, I said ohhhhhhh helllllll nah sis!

Let’s have a HOT (Humble, Open and Transparent) moment,

It has only been a year since I left New York, and the reason for this change was because I was in an abusive relationship and not in a mentally stable home! I couldn’t find my way out of the dark hole, that after having much serious conversations with my therapists, I was responsible in a sense! Anyways during that time and to be honest for a little over 10 years, I have suffered from depression. Always feeling alone, not feeling good enough for people and things. I was not happy with myself, I would even sabotage great relationships and friendships, even jobs because I always felt like I was not deserving. There was a time I even tried to end my life. And my best friend at the time (shout out to BHOLITO) got me some help. I thought ending my life would make people around me happier and at ease. My thought process was let’s keep it real SELFISH! No more bills, no more stress, isolation would be over!

Being home alone, with no quarantine bae has brought all those feelings back up! Feelings that I suppressed, and haven’t dealt with! Being at this time has forced you to take a look at all the things that you need to work on and deal with. My mental is drained, I feel uncertain with my future and I literally just wanna crawl in bed. Loneliness is taking over my soul, and in the season bad choices can be made but I am trying to stay positive.

I’ve been meditating, scripting, working out, and just taking this time to actually heal!